My Immortal: Spelling, Grammar and Logic Checked
by Aria-Jarvis
Summary: Because all I've found insofar were spell checks and outright rewrites. Note that I didn't fix any errors with canon, but Fanfiction sadly doesn't allow My Immortal Fanfiction. Sad.
1. Chapter 1

**Editor's Note: This fic had a lot of spelling errors, but also errors with grammar, incomplete thoughts, and, infamously, a lack of logic. But insofar, all I've found are spell checks and outright rewrites. We need some middle ground.**

**I also get really angry when I see someone worse at grammar than I am.**

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Special thanks to my friend, Raven, for helping me with the story, spelling and grammar. You rock! Justin, you're the love of my depressing life, and you rock too! My Chemical Romance rocks!<strong>

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><p>Hi! My name is Ebony Darkness Dementia Raven Way. I'm not related to Gerard Way, but I wish I was, because he's hot. I got my name from my black mid-back length hair streaked with purple and tipped with red.<p>

My eyes are icy blue, and I've been told I look like Amy Lee. Being a vampire, I have pale skin, but my teeth are straight and white. I'm in the seventh year in a magical school called Hogwarts. In case you couldn't tell, I'm a goth, and I buy all my clothes from Hot Topic.

Today, I wore a lacy black corset, a black leather mini skirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. My make up consisted of black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner, and red eyeshadow.

I was walking out in the snow, flipping off preps as I went.

"Hey, Ebony!" Draco shouted as I looked up.

"What's up, Draco?" I asked.

"Uh... nothing." He said nervously.

I wanted to talk more, but my friends called me and I had to go back inside.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Please tell me if it's good. Thanks for reading!<strong>

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><p><strong>Editor's Note: So. It has begun.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Editor's Note: Some repetitive lines in conversation were changed. "Flirtily" was changed to an action of flirting. In Chapter Three, it was stated that Simple Plan would also play at the concert, and so I had Draco mention it here.**

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><p><strong>Author's Note: Before I tell you preps to stop flaming my story, I'd like to give my thanks to Raven for helping me with spelling and grammar on this chapter!<strong>

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><p>I woke up the next day to find it was snowing again. I got out of bed and changed out of my over-sized My Chemical Romance t-shirt. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagran necklace, combat boots and black fishnet tights. I put for pairs of earrings in my ears and put my hair into a messy bun.<p>

My friend, Willow, opened her forest-green eyes and grinned at me. She flipped her waist-length pink-streaked black hair, and put on her Marilym Manson t-shirt, a black miniskirt, fishnets, and high-heeled boots. We helped eachother with out make-up; black lipstick, white foundation, and eyeliner.

"I saw you talking to Draco yesterday!" She said excitedly as we left the dormitory.

"Uh... yeah, so?" I said, blushing, as we left the Slytherin Common Room.

"You like him, don't you?" She teased as we entered the Great Hall.

"No I don't!" I shouted.

"Ha! Yeah, right!" She exclaimed, eyeing something behind me. I turned around to see Draco approaching me.

"Hey." He said.

"Hi," I said, batting my eyelashes. I heard Willow snickering behind me.

"Guess what?" He said.

"Why don't you tell me?" I said.

"Well, Good Charlotte is having a concert in Hogsmeade, and Simple Plan will be playing too." he said.

I tried to contain my squeal. Next to My Chemical Romance, Good Charlotte was my favorite band.

"So... do you want to go with me?" He asked.

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Editor's Note: Fixed the order of events, made the lyrics look prettier. Ebony now takes proper care of her slitted wrist.**

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><p><strong>AN: Stop flaming the story, okay, preps? Otherwise, thanks to Raven for the spelling and grammar check, and to all the goths for the good reviews! I don't own Harry Potter for the lyrics for The Chronicles of Life and Death, by Good Charlotte.<strong>

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><p>That night, I straightened my hair and changed into a black corset dress, lace-up boots, and red fishnets tights with matching sleeves. I painted my nails black and put on lipstick and a copious amount of eyeliner.<p>

I read an upsetting novel, and in a fit of depression, I slit one of my wrists. I cleaned and bandaged the wound, drank some blood to speed its healing, then listened to some Good Charlotte to cheer me up.

When it was time to go, I went outside to find Draco waiting for me in front of his flying Mercedes-Benz. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt, black, baggy skater pants, black nail polish, and a little eyeliner.

"Hey, Draco." I said, still somewhat upset.

"Hi, Ebony. Are you alright?"

"I'll be fine," I said, "let's go."

We got into his car and flew to the concert. On the way, we smoked and listened to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson, and when we arrived, we went to the mosh pit and danced as we listened to the music.

_You come in cold, you're covered in blood_

_They're all so happy you've arrived_

_The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom _

_She sets you free into this life_

"Joel is so hot!" I said. But Draco seemed sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked, before catching on, "Hey, it's okay. I don't even know Joel, and I like you way more."

"Really?" Draco said, protectively putting his arm around me.

"Really." I said, "And besides, he's going out with Duff."

The night went on really well, and we had a great time. After the concert, we drank some cream soda got some Good Charlotte t-shirts, and we even got autographed photos from Benji and Joel.

Draco and I got back into his car, but he didn't drive back to Hogwarts. Instead, he drove into the Forbidden Forest!


	4. Chapter 4

**Editors Note: Dumbledore's swearing made less exaggerated, fixed the porn.**

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><p><strong>Author's Note: I said stop flaming, okay? Ebony's name is EBONY, not Mary-Sue! Draco is so in love with her that he's acting different. They knew each other before, okay?<strong>

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><p>"Draco! What do you think you're doing?" I shouted.<p>

Draco didn't answer, but he stopped the car and he got out. Curious, I followed.

"What the heck?" I asked.

"Ebony?" He asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in close to me. I gazed into his sorrowful eyes and suddenly, I didn't feel angry anymore. He kissed me passionately, and we undressed. I even took off my bra. He held me, kissing me everywhere, and my body got warm. Then he slid inside me, pumping vigorously until I finally got an orgasm.

Oh... oh... oh!" I squealed. But then...

"What the hell are you doing?!"

It was... Dumbledore!


	5. Chapter 5

Editor's Note: I suppose I lied when I said that I wouldn't be fixing canonical errors. Snape's under reaction to his favorite student misbehaving in such a way is, however, unacceptable.

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><p>Author's Note: If you flame, it means you're a prep or a poser, so stop! The only reason Dumbledore swore was because he had a headache, okay? On top of that, he was mad at them for having sex! PS, I'm not updating until I get five good reviews!<p>

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><p>Dumbledore made Draco and I put on our clothes. Shouting at us angrily, he dragged us back to Hogwarts and into his office, where Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall were waiting.<p>

"You ludicrous fools!" He shouted, before turning to McGonagall, "They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!"

I started to cry in shame, and Draco comforted me. McGonagall was not so kind.

"Why would you do such a thing?" she said.

Snape took over. "How dare you? Ebony, I expected this from. But you? Draco, why would you-"

"Because I love her!" Draco shrieked. Everyone in the room was silent for a moment. Snape still looked mad, but he spoke again.

"Very well. But you are to return to your rooms. Ebony, do NOT go into the male dormitory! Am I making myself clear?

"Yessir," I said. Snape glared at me as Draco and I left.

"Are you okay?" Draco asked.

"Yeah, I guess so." I lied. He hugged me and kissed me goodnight. He went to the boy's dorm, and I the girl's dorm, and I got ready for bed, brushing my teeth and changing into my nightie.


End file.
